Those are some wack-ass freckles.

18-year-olds make a lot of stupid choices, especially when it comes to tattoos. If I had a quarter for every time an 18-year-old boy made the mistake of tattooing my name on his arm/butt/forehead, well, I could probably buy a gumball. Maybe a gumball and a piece of pocket lint. Kimberly Vlaminck, a teenager from Belgium, made a really solid, non-life-altering decision when she decided to have a series of stars tattooed ON HER FACE:



Kelly claimed that she had requested three small stars but that she "fell asleep" and woke up with fifty-three extra. Give me a handful of whatever Kimberly is on, because that's basically like taking a nap during a dog mauling. After airing her story to the international press, Kimberly has finally admitted that the whole thing was made up in effort to keep her father from getting angry at her. Ha! Kimbo, if your dad is like most dads, he's never getting over this one. That's like your dad not knowing you have sex and then walking in on you getting gangbanged by the school's entire football team.

Regardless of the validity of Kimberly's story, her situation begs the question: what tattoo artist in his right mind agrees to tattoo the face of an 18-year-old? The answer, ladies and gentlemen, is this guy:



Well, he must have fallen asleep for a really long time. Trusting this man with any cosmetic alteration of your flesh is like handing R. Kelly your 14-year-old daughter's urine sample. Anyway, I would post his video interview, but frankly, seeing him talk is like watching hotdogs being made.

Before signing off, your friendly narrator would like to remind you of an old axiom: The only person crazy enough to deserve a face tattoo is Mike Tyson.